Nemesis Chapter 48

Nemesis Chapter 48

Nicholas found Jim standing at the end of the hallway, staring out the window at the parking lot a few floors below.  He walked up beside the older man and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Jim," he said softly, "are you okay?"

Jim sighed heavily.  It was a few moments before he responded.  Nicholas waited patiently.

"I don't know," Jim finally answered.  "I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to feel."

"Talk to me, Jim," Nicholas coaxed, his voice little more than a whisper.

Jim sighed again, and Nicholas knew he was trying to gather his thoughts together, to figure out how to express what was on his mind.

"It just doesn't seem real," Jim finally said,  "after all John Christie put us through, five years ago, and again during the past week.  It seems like we should all still be holding our breaths, waiting for him to show up again.  It's hard to believe he's gone forever."

Nicholas nodded in agreement but said nothing, sensing that Jim wasn't finished.

"The bigger part of me is glad he's dead," Jim continued after another moment.  "He very nearly killed each one of us."

"And you, more than once," Nicholas reminded him gently.  "He wasn't going to stop until you were dead, Jim.  This was the only way it was ever going to end."

"Yes," Jim countered quickly, his voice grim, "and I put the four of you in extreme danger in the process."

Nicholas' stomach lurched as he recognized the guilt in Jim's voice; it was a similar guilt he had faced earlier in the mission, when Max had helped him work through it.  He hoped that he could now in turn be of some help to his leader.

"That isn't your fault, Jim," he said reassuringly.  "You had no way of knowing Christie was behind all of this.  And besides, we are all going to be just fine."

Jim nodded slightly, knowing his teammate was right but not really feeling the absolution of his guilt just yet.  He knew that he bore no blame from Nicholas or any of the others, but there were no words that could fix it; it would just take time for his conscience to heal.

Nicholas eyed his leader carefully.  "There's something else," he said softly.  It wasn't a question.

"There's a part of me that feels bad about the way it ended," Jim admitted.

"You feel badly that Christie was killed?"  Nicholas asked, one eyebrow raised.

"A little," Jim replied.  Nicholas was not surprised.  People sometimes died during missions; that was the reality, but it wasn't ever something that Jim ever wanted or liked to see happen, regardless of which side it was on. 

Suddenly, Jim's features darkened.  "But mostly I feel bad because he got off too damn easy."

Nicholas was taken aback by his teammate's words, particularly his uncharacteristic swearing.  "He left the officer with no choice but to shoot him.  Part of me is angry that I didn't get the chance to finish him off myself."

Nicholas felt a surge of admiration for his leader, for he knew that Jim was speaking these words out of a sense  of protectiveness for his team.  He squeezed Jim's shoulder a little tighter.

"Jim," he responded, "Christie died knowing that we are all still alive, and that he had failed.  As far as I'm concerned, that did just as much damage as the bullet that took his life."

Jim smiled slightly at his wise dark-haired teammate.  Nicholas was right.

"Jim," he added, "you've been in this business for a long time.  It's always tough when a good agent goes bad, but for him to go so far as to want you dead...well, it's hard to wrap your mind around that.  And it's going to take a long time to let it go."

Nicholas paused, his dark brown eyes meeting Jim's steely blue ones.  "But it will get easier.  And we'll all be here to help."

This time, Jim's smile was wide and sincere.  "Thank you," he replied, catching the dark-haired agent's right hand in a firm shake.  Then Nicholas slung an arm around the taller man's shoulders as they walked back to Shannon's room.

*****

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